To Quote a Jedi
by Geri K
Summary: A short story filled with quotes from my favourite Star Wars Characters... Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon go on a holiday. No angst and no danger just two Jedi in the woods.


**I was looking for some quotes to add to another story, and some of them made me laugh so I put them into their own story. You may recognise some and some you won't.**

**Disclaimer: However; most of the quote have been said by one star wars character or another and of course, I don't own any of them and I make no profit from them. Not even any money. What a shame. I do it for fun. It's just a bit of trivial dribble.**

To Quote a Jedi.

ooo

Qui-Gon stood on the landing platform; he'd been waiting for twenty minutes for Obi-Wan. He'd sent him to ask Mace for a speeder for their trip to the mountains for a well deserved rest.

Tapping his foot on the ground he noticed a speeder coming towards him with smoke billowing out of the back end. Obi-Wan stopped in front of Qui-Gon and said. "Right Master, hop in and let's go!"

"What a piece of junk!" Qui-Gon said, realising it was the same speeder Obi-Wan chose last time they needed a speeder. It had barely got them to their destination and had caused Qui-Gon to grow many new grey hairs.

Qui-Gon rubbed his chin. "This speeder is a disaster waiting to happen. Why do I have the feeling you'll be the death of me Padawan."

"Don't say that Master, I couldn't find a speeder I liked, and in the end Master Windu told me to take this one and leave. I'm sure it will get us there this time."

"I'm not so sure Padawan." Qui-Gon stated as he climbed in.

Obi-Wan pressed the starter button and nothing happened. He got out, checking the battery and the spark plugs. Eventually it started and a cloud of smoke engulfed them and the speeder rolled along a few paces.

"Would it help if I got out and pushed, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon smirked.

"Master please focus on the positive. Master Windu said it would get us there."

"I don't know Padawan I vaguely remember telling you that your focus determines your reality, and the reality is Padawan that Mace has given you a bantha of a speeder."

"Where's your sense of adventure Master, think of our holiday. It will be exciting, and a little thing like a loose spark plug should not deter us."

"Adventure….excitement…. a Jedi craves not these things Padawan."

"Just wait Master I will fix it." Obi-Wan insisted and he opened the hood and used the force to tighten the plugs.

"Frivolous use of the force is frowned upon my young apprentice." Qui-Gon stated as the engine roared to life.

"Yeah of little faith." Obi-Wan countered.

Qui-Gon shook his head and announced "I am amazed Padawan."

"Sometimes I amaze even myself!" Obi-Wan smiled.

ooo

Their holiday began in earnest once they arrived at the cabin. Qui-Gon sent Obi-Wan out to collect firewood while he put their supplies away. An hour later, Obi-Wan came back reeking of an obnoxious odour and an armful of wood.

"What a wonderful smell you've discovered Padawan, pray tell me how did you manage to return to me in this condition.

"It wasn't easy Master, I slipped down a hole. I think it was a garbage Shute."

Later in the evening, Qui-Gon decided because it was Obi-Wans twenty first naming day, they would open a bottle of fine wine to celebrate.

"Obi-Wan would you go down to the cellar and bring me two bottles of wine."

"Yes master."

The two Jedi sat around the fire and drank the wine, celebrating the dawn of Obi-Wans adulthood. Qui-Gon told him a story of his own childhood and how he had been banished from painting classes.

"Why were you banished Master?"

"Because I spilled the paint jar every time we painted anything. My long arms and legs seemed to get in the way, and the rest of the class decided I was clumsy."

"You were banished because you were clumsy?" Obi-Wan said incredulously.

"You would not think it so incredible Padawan, if you had seen me destroy the paint shop."

They laughed and joked and talked about their youth and then it was time to eat. Qui-Gon decided to make Obi-Wan a meal that he used to love when he was a child. He had all the ingredients, and he did his best to remember how many of each ingredient he should put in it. He served it up and waited expectantly for Obi-Wan to taste it.

"What is it Master?"

"I'm not sure of the correct pronunciation, so I just call it gruel."

Obi-Wan tasted it and thought better of pulling a face.

"You actually like this gruel?"

"Yes, I've eaten it all my life."

"No wonder you're so tall."

"And what is that supposed to mean Padawan?"

"It kinda tastes alright, but it smells like fertilizer!"

After suffering the meal, they drank more wine and Obi-Wan decided he liked it so much, he got another few bottles out of the cellar. Eventually, Obi-Wan staggered to bed, hopefully not to dream of the hangover he would have in the morning.

The next morning Qui-Gon came in to wake his Padawan. The sun had risen and the day was waiting for them. Qui-Gon decided they would go fishing. Obi-Wan lay on his back with his head dangling over the side. Qui-Gon opened the blinds and the sun streamed across Obi-Wans face.

The young man groaned and tried to cover his eyes from the offending glare. "Force what's that?" he grumbled, questioning his master.

"That's the sun Padawan, it's after dawn."

Obi-Wan, in his struggle to get away from the offending glare; calmly stated. "Can you turn it off for me Master, it's too bright."

Eventually hangover and all, Obi-Wan ventured out in the sunlight, and they went fishing.

Obi-Wan caught a nice sized fish and he planned to cook it for their lunch. But Qui-Gon had other ideas. "Here Padawan, give me that fish. I will use it as bait and we'll catch a bigger fish."

True to his word, Qui-Gon did catch another fish. However, there's always a bigger fish and one came along and took the bait and the fishing line as well.

On the way back Qui-Gon stopped at a darkened cave and was peering in.

Obi-Wan came along side him and asked his Master. "What's in there?"

"Only what you take with you Padawan."

"You want me to go in there…., why?"

"I sense a small life force in there and I thought you might go in and see what it is?"

"So what should I take with me?"

"A torch would be handy Obi-Wan!"

Obi-Wan grumbled, his head still ached from the wine last night. "Why do I sense I'm about to pick up another one of your pathetic life-forms."

Qui-Gon glanced at his whining Padawan and smirked. "I don't know why you would think that Padawan, the only life-form I've ever picked up in twenty one years is you!"

"You know very well what I mean Master, little squirrels, lizards, baby birds and all of them cared for by me, your dutiful apprentice. If I wanted a pathetic life form I would find my own!"

ooo

Walking down the trail, carrying the small lizard he'd found in the cave, Obi-Wan, felt a vibration in the ground and stopped in his tracks. "I have a very bad feeling Master."

"I don't sense anything, Padawan."

Don't you hear that Master?" he said as he heard a thunderous noise.

Qui-Gon stopped as well and nodded. "Yes Obi-Wan I do. However, there is no need to be concerned."

"You jest Master, listen again…. 'That's the sound of a thousand terrible things heading this way- If they find us, they will crush us and grind us into tiny pieces and blast us into oblivion." Obi-Wan waved his free hand around, while holding the lizard in the other.

"Don't be so dramatic Padawan it is hardly a thousand terrible things coming this way, it sounds more like a small herd of bantha's. We can climb up here onto that ledge and wait for them to pass."

"I don't know Master, I still have a bad feeling about this."

They began to climb onto the ledge. However, the ledge crumbled under their feet and they slid down right into the path of the herd of Bantha's.

Obi-Wan sarcastically asked. " Do you have a plan B?"

"Of course Padawan, I always have a plan B, however at the moment I cannot think of what it is, perhaps we should run."

They ran through the trees and luckily escaped without a scratch. Unfortunately, Obi-Wan dropped the lizard during the escape.

"Obi-Wan?"

"Yes Master."

"Where is the lizard?"

"Ummm, it is hard to say Master."

"Obi-Wan you can be quite frustrating at times."

"Yes Master, I know."

They stood staring at one another until Qui-Gon said. "Oh well, lets go back to the cabin."

By the time they arrived back, it was dark and Qui-Gon turned on the light in the common room however, nothing happened.

"Blast," he grumbled.

Obi-Wan smirked, "I don't think blasting it, will solve your problem Master."

Qui-Gon shook his head. "If you spent as much time practicing your sabre techniques as you do your wit, you'd rival Master Yoda as a swordsman."

"I thought I already did! " Obi-Wan grinned.

"Only in your mind; my very young apprentice."

"So tell me Master what are you going to do, we can't cook or eat without power?"

"I will do what I must Obi-Wan."

"Very well Master, but must I watch, or can I go outside and watch the moon come up?"

"I will go and check the generator, and you can wait here and let me know if the power comes on," Qui-Gon stated.

"Ummm Master! Don't you think I should go, after all I did come first in engineering, and I know you're not that good with mechanics?"

"Padawan, I find your lack of faith disturbing, what makes you think I'm not that good with mechanics?"

"Master Windu told me."

Qui-Gon stormed off saying. "Believe all you hear, you should not!"

Many minutes later when his Master hadn't returned, and the power was on, Obi-Wan went looking for him.

"Master, where are you?"

A voice through their bond said, // I'm stuck in a hole Padawan, to the left of the generator shed.\\

Obi-Wan hurried to where his Master was, and holding the torch, he looked down into an old disused well. "Master! How did you get down there?"

"I found the lizard Obi-Wan," he said as he held the little critter up to the light.

"However, I find that I'm stuck. This hole is not as wide as I thought and my sabre is snagged on that tree root. Use your sabre to cut it will you, and I'll try to free myself."

"Try not, Do or do not, there is no try." Obi-Wan smirked at his Master. "Ummm, Master, how did the lizard get in there in the first place?"

"I imagine, Padawan, he was looking for some food. You do remember we were going to feed him."

"Oh, so now it's a 'he' and 'we' were going to feed him Master. I had the distinct impression that you were going to make me do it!" he stated putting his hands on his hips.

Qui-Gon held the little lizard up for Obi-Wan to hold. "This time Padawan, don't lose him."

"This is some rescue lizard. You went in there and you didn't have a plan for getting out? Tsk, tsk." Obi-wan berated the critter as he placed him in his robe pocket.

Once he was ready he glared at his master, "Have you tried using the force master?"

The young man was contemplating too long and so Qui-Gon, abruptly gave obi-wan cause to roll his eyes.

"Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope." Qui-Gon said mischievously.

"Now who is being melodramatic Master? I was just thinking how to slice the root, so not to damage the tree."

ooo

Later that night after a wonderful meal and another bottle of wine, Obi-Wan went to check on the lizard to make sure he'd eaten the food he'd given him. Obi-Wan's mouth opened with shock, and he slapped his forehead with his hand.

"This is getting out of hand Master, now there are 'two' of them."

"Did I miss something?" Qui-Gon asked as he came up behind Obi-Wan.

"Well apparently you did Master, this lizard isn't a 'him' after all.

"Ah, Obi-Wan you are a much wiser man than I and I foresee you becoming a great Jedi Knight."

ooo

The next week, they packed their things and set off in the speeder for the temple. Obi-Wan headed for the traffic lanes and as he neared a small gap between speeders, he pushed the controls forward as far as they would go and came up from underneath the traffic and squeezed into the space.

"You know I don't like it when you do that." Qui-Gon berated.

Sorry, Master. I forgot that you don't like flying." Obi-Wan smiled.

"I don't mind flying, but what you're doing is suicide. Think of the future Padawan, you do want to be around to see it don't you."

"Well Master, I am not sure. Master Yoda says, always in motion is the future."

"Yes Padawan he does - so?"

"Well what if the future is not what we expect, maybe we won't like the future, and maybe it would be better not to be around to see it."

"I think you should keep your mind on the here and now Padawan."

"But, Master Yoda says I should be mindful of the future?"

"But not at the expense of the moment, Padawan."

"Yes Master"

"Obi-Wan, the temple landing platform is coming up in 'that moment' we were just talking about!"

"Oh, I see it, Oh, this is going to be easy" and he pushed the throttle forward, pulling out of the traffic lane.

Qui-Gon's heart jumped into his mouth. "Padawan, be careful!"

"I'll be careful."

"You'll be dead!"

The speeder landed gently and Obi-Wan turned to his Master who was gripping the rails, and winked. "Another happy landing."

End.

I hope it made you smile.


End file.
